Rookie Booze Cruise 2011: HIGH SEAS DRAMA
SS Fuck You Holmgren
This is basically what is happening on this ship.
They are steaming through Lake St. Clair, looking for Dry Island, the land of broken hopes and dreams.
Suddenly, there is an alarm blaring throughout the ship.
Alex Ovechkin and Alex Semin look up from the fashion contest they have going on and ask Jeff Carter, "There's an alarm on this boat?"
who just shrugs in an answer. No one really knows.
Goldzlaf looks out the captain's window and sees that there is a boat coming close in the same direction they are travelling.
He knows who it is. It's the Rookie Cruise Liner. And he isn't happy but he answers the hail that they are sending out.
On board the Rookie Cruise Liner
Captain Sharpie knew exactly who was on board the boat coming his direction. He could hear the partying from ten miles away.
Sharpie leans over the railings to talk to Captain Goldzlaf, "Hey, where you headed Captain?"
Goldlaf glares at him, "Where you headed, Mister?"
For a minute there's a standoff until Dr. Kes comes waltzing past and laughs, "Dry Island."
Captain Sharpie hits him for giving up their top secret information.
Perry pipes up from the other boat, "Us too." He gets a glare from Goldzlaf.
Sharpie looks sheepish for a minute, "We also lost the rookies, they're gone."
Goldzlaf looks at Perry, then looks meaningfully at Sharpie, "Uh, we saw them not too long ago."
"WHERE ARE THEY? I WILL KILL THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS!!!" Says the safety director BizNasty. "KILL KILL KILL THEM!"
"They're right behind us actually, we're all going to the same place." And he motions to a tiny dinghy following their boat that has nine boys piled in together. Only Lars and Skog look comfortable squeezed so close together.
Captain Sharpie glares at them then mumbles, "I will deal with those miscreants when we get to our destination."
Then Burrito joins the conversation, "Yeah, let's go together! One big party." He eyes the SS Fuck You Holmgren enviously, everyone knows he wants to be there.
Captain Sharpie pulls him back inside and the two boats (and little dinghy) continue on their way to Dry Island.
Rookie Cruise dinghy
Dougie looks at his co-captain, Strome and they share meaningful and terrified glances.
They have heard about the wrath of Captain Sharpie and they aren't looking forward to that spanking.
A few hours previous on the Rookie Cruise dinghy
Marky-Mark is singing on the boat to entertain his fellow rookies as Jordin Tootoo guides them to Dry Island.
As they are all enjoying the acoustic show that Marky-Mark is putting on, there is a sudden horn blast and bright lights shining on the dingy.
Zibby screams and dives off the boat.
Brodin shields his eyes while yelling about how bright all of the lights are, "I can't handle the light!"
Hubie thinks that it's a UFO trying to abduct them and starts duct-taping his butt cheeks together.
But then they hear something strange,
It's the unofficial theme song of the Born-Agains cruise ship.
"HELLO ROOKIES. WE HAVE COME TO RESCUE YOU!" Mike Richards uses a bullhorn to contact the rookies and their captain of the dinghy.
Dougie waves at the ship, "We don't need rescued. We are going to rescue the Nuge. He is our fellow rookie and we have to rescue him from your evil clutches!"
But before Dougie can sound the alarm and send the Rookie Attack on the SS Fuck You Holmgren, there's a commotion on the ship and a fish comes to the railing.
Oh wait, it's just Taylor Hall. He points at the rookies, "Don't attack us. We will help you get the Nuge back. He has the right to decide what ship he wants to be on so we will give him that chance."
For a minute there is silence then Mikey shrugs, "Sounds good to me. Let's go get the Nuge."
Dougie nods his head at Captain Tootoo and says, "Might as well."
Aboard the SS You Gotta Be Kidding Me
The Gary Roberts and Rex Pimp are pacing in the Captain's room as the ship chugs along Lake St. Clair toward Dry Island.
"I just don't understand why these Born-Agains abducted the Nuge. He did nothing to them and he couldn't get them anything on the Rookie Cruise."
"I was really looking forward to having him dance in the cages on the boat in that bathing suit.
I love bathing suits."
As they lament and plan and talk, there are boats coming up next to them on the starboard side.
There is a loud goal horn and then they hear
which announces the arrival of the Rookie Cruise.
The Gary Roberts and Rex Pimp both look outside and see two big ships and a dinghy coming up alongside their boat.
Then there's a bullhorn voice addressing them, "Yo, Rex Pimp, get yo butt out here. We gotta talk, now."
All of the geezers gather on deck to see the other boats surrounding their ship. Rex Pimp and the Gary Roberts see that it is Captain Sharpie and Goldzlaf who are addressing them.
Rex Pimp glares at them, "What do you want? We are doing something very important."
Captain Sharpie is the first to answer, "As you know, the Nuge has been abducted and we intend to find him and bring him back to the Rookie Cruise."
Dougie pipes up from the dinghy, "That's why we're here too!"
The Gary Roberts nudges Rex Pimp in the ribs. "I guess we're all trying to find this boy. We could use the help, if ya know what I mean."
Rex Pimp nods his head and then addresses the other ships, "We're going to Dry Island, let's all go together and rescue the Nuge."
There are cheers and whoops from the boys on the other ships.
Then Verbeauty comes running out of the cabin, "Guys, guys, look what Jumbo and I made!"
Every ship adopts it as their official flag for this adventure.
on Dry Island
The Nuge has built a nice tent and is eating the last of the salted fish he made while watching the sun rise over the ocean.
"I could get used to this" he thinks as he watches the waves crash and the birds sing in the jungle.
But that's when he hears the yelling and general noise from the other side of the island.
The Nuge creeps through the trees and makes it to the other side in no time. That's when he sees the ruckus.
Peter Rabbit is barking orders at his assistant coaches and they scurry around the island. He can also hear them yelling and catches snippets of the screams, "They're coming!" "help us" "this place sucks" and other things like that.
Then the Nuge looks out to the ocean and sees the four ship armada coming closer and closer to the island.
He smiles because he knows it's his rescue.