Minggu, 09 Oktober 2011

Rookie Booze Cruise: High Seas Drama (Episode #6)

Rookie Booze Cruise 2011: HIGH SEAS DRAMA

SS You Gotta Be Kidding Me:

Preparations are being made to rescue the Nuge.

The Gary Roberts is directing the men under the watchful eye of Rex Pimp as they carry supplies to the submarine.

Billy G is making repairs to the outside of the sub with a blow torch that he gleefully fires up in front of the other Geezers.

Rex Pimp paces up and down the captain's room, carefully drawing out the plan in his head that he and The Gary Roberts talked about the night before.

Booby Ryan sits glumly in the corner of the captain's room, still handcuffed and still in trouble.

There's a shout from outside and then they're calling for Rex Pimp.

He hurries out of the room without a second glance at Booby.

And thank goodness cause Booby has found the Rubber Duckie Vibrator Walkie-Talkie and is contacting the Born-Agains.

*kssshhhhhh*Come in, this is Secret Double Agent (and he pauses and grumaces) Silver, over.'

He waits nervously until there is a crackle over the walkie-talkie and then howling and laughing. "Ssssssssssssilver!!! Where you beeeeeeeeeeen?"

It's definitely Getzlaf, leader of the Born-Agains.

Booby rolls his eyes, "I have little time. I have been kidnapped by the Geezers and forced to tell your plan. They are now after you and the Nuge."

There's a pause then the walkie-talkie crackles again, "You are an idiot!"

The door to the captain's room slams open and The Gary Roberts stomps in flanked by Weight and Blake. None of them look happy.

The Gary Roberts snatches the walkie-talking out of Booby's hands and clicks it on again, "We're coming for you, Born-Agains! We know that you have the Nuge and we want him. THE NUGE IS OURS!"

There's silence for a minute before another voice comes over the walkie-talkie, it's Mike Richards.

"We don't have the Nuge, sir. We did send out Bob and Kaner to retrieve him but they have not returned."

The Gary Roberts is silent for a moment then he intones purposefully, "Then where is the Nuge?"

Meanwhile on Dry Island, inside the SS Doggy Style:

The Nuge is holding court with the now reformed Followers.

"There is no need for you to be in scratchy burlap robes. There is no need for you to abstain from drinking and drugging it up. There is no need to not believe in having fun anymore. There is another way."

Gingeroo, Pepper and Double D are sitting cross-legged and rapt at the Nuge's feet. He continues with his tirade.

"Look at Kaner for example. Or even Bob. Both have won Stanley Cups, have you guys?"

They all shake their heads no.

"Do you think it's because they have been pure and follow the teachings of Peter Rabbit?" It's a rhetorical question, of course.

"NO! They have not, at all. They are alcoholic, drug-addled womanizer-wannabes who have actually won the Cup. I think they're doing something right."

There are murmurs of ascent among the three.

The Nuge knows that he has their full attention,

"Now, go out there and preach to the others and get they to understand that the teachings of Peter Rabbit are wrong and that you will not win a Stanley Cup by being pure. Go, preach!"

And with that last proclamation the former Followers scrambled out of the SS Doggy Style and hurried to preach their ways.

After that, the Nuge climbed out and pulled out the survival kit that the Chaps gave the Rookies on the Booze Cruise.

"Boy do I wish that I had a phone to call my bunkmate. Or Taylor Hall, because we are soon to be bros...Jordan Eberle be damned!"

Nighttime on the SS Booze Cruise:

It's dark in the cabins as Dougie climbs from bed to bed and waking up each of the Rookies.

"Let's go, it's time. Come on boys, we gotta save the Nuge."

Earlier that day:

Dougie was helping Jonesy in the kitchen when he produced a giant bowl of butterscotch pudding.

"It's something special the Rookies and I whipped up for the Chaps. As a sort of thank you."

Of course the Chaps were ecstatic about the gift. Everyone knows that Chaps love butterscotch pudding, duh.

They devoured the pudding by the spoonfuls with Jumbo and BUrrito having extra helpings of the pudding.

When it was all gone, Dougie and the Rookies cleared the tables just in time. The Chaps soon began nodding off and all passed out in the cafeteria.

Back to the escape:

Dougie gets all of the rookies in orange life-jackets and with minimal complaints (although most of them came from Coo-Coo who hated the fact that his hair could get waut).

They're standing by the edge of the boat when Dougie calls out into the night, a whale song that is both beautiful and sad.

Everyone's quiet until there is a matching whale song back. And out of the night mist comes a dinghy with Jordin Tootoo as its captain.

"Dougie, is that you? Or is this the whale that I have been searching for all of my life?"

"It's Dougie and the Rookies, take us to the Nuge."

And the dinghy comes up alongside the cruise-liner with a thud. The Rookies begin piling on and when all are safely aboard, Mr. Tootoo shoves off and begins their journey to Dry Island.

Meanwhile on the SS Fuck You Holmgren:

Ryan Getzlaf had been a wreck since the capture of Booby Ryan.

He was the leader of the Born-Agains but it seems that Mike Richards has taken over.

Right now, he is leading the Born-Agains in Getzlaf's stead and has them gathered on the deck to tell them what is going on.

"It seems that we have lost not only the Nuge but also Kaner and Bob." There is scattered applause and a few 'boo's. "Our mission was to be let on the Rookie Booze Cruise by blackmailing the Chaps with the Nuge through our agent Booby Ryan."

Then he looks pointedly at a crying Getzlaf, "It seems that Booby has also failed and been captured by the Geezers who he was also working for. He the NHL version of Mata Harry."

He rolls his eyes spectacularly (something he picked up from Jonathan Toews), "Just wonderful."

Then Mikey claps his hands, "This is the plan, boys. We will have turned on the homing beacon and found that the SS Doggy Style has crash-landed on Dry Island."

There are a few screams at this and quite a few murmurs of 'I am never going back there' 'Oh God, not Dry Island!' but Mikey silences them with a nice glare, "We have to retrieve our two best operatives and also the Nuge. We have to rescue him!"

Finally, Jeffy gets up on the podium behind Mikey and nods his head,

"We escaped once and maybe, just maybe we can break the spell of Peter Rabbit long enough to rescue our fellow Born-Agains while also getting the Nuge back and getting our rightful place on the Rookie Booze Cruise!"

Finally, there are cheers and whoops of joy.

Mikey takes the podium back and brings the serious, "We sail tonight to find our brothers and the rescue the Nuge."

Then the celebrations begin when cocktails are brought above with some finger food.

On board the SS Booze Cruise, a half hour later:

Kes is the first to wake, with his conditioning, his body metabolized the sleeping pills quicker.

He yawns and then looks around the room, "What the hell happened?"

There's some noise and then Sharpie comes around to consciousness.

"What the hell? I haven't felt like this since Kaner dragged us to Las Vegas." Then he looks around and notices that Kes is also awake, "What happened?"

The two of them convene in the center of the cafeteria when suddenly Verbeauty jumps awake screaming 'DOUGIE!'

His shrill, Enrique-esque scream wakes the rest of the Chaps.

Sharpie looks at Kes and they both yell at the same time, "WHERE ARE THE ROOKIES?!"

On Dry Island:

Peter Rabbit is relaxing beachside with a nice mimosa in hand when there is sudden yelling and general kickin-up of sand coming from somewhere to his right.

He turns his head to catch one of his assistants, Craig Berube, running toward him like lightning.

"Boss! Boss!"

"WHAT?!" Peter Rabbit bellows before Berube can catch his breath.

"There's *gasp* people coming *deep intake of breath* in boats!" Berbube has his hands on his knees, trying to catch any semblance of breath.

Peter Rabbit stands up in a hurry, "What?! People?! Coming to our island?!" Then he shakes Berube by the shoulders, "How many? Where are they landing?"

Berube points to the shoreline and Peter Rabbit can see a Cruise-liner, a dinghy, a submarine and a luxury boat all with a flag sailing high above that reads, 'GIVE US THE NUGE!' on all of the ships.

They all stop and stare at the ships coming their way.

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