Senin, 31 Oktober 2011

Fantasy Hockey Update: Week Four

Important Note: Tomorrow is the first trade of the fantasy season for us. You have two trades a month so use them wisely.

How it works is you keep the points accumulated by the player until the day that you trade him then you start getting the new player's points.

We will be taking trades until 11:59 Tuesday.

Let's check out this week's status

Top 5:

1. TurboShelly
2. Hattrick Marleau
3. Evgenia
4. Wet Island Pool Boys
5. CheezyChiliCheezs

As for this week's update, the names are pretty much the same except for the sudden rise for Hattrick Markeau. That team went from thirteenth to second within a week. Man, that's pretty nice.

The jump was helped by the amazing play by Kari Lehtonen and Kevin Bieksa racking up the points and PIMs that we know he is capable of.

Good luck this week and don't forget about the trades! We wanna get them in by Wednesday.

Awards Monday: Week Four

Hottie of the Week

Toronto Maple Leafs

Who woulda thought they would be tops in the Northeast? No one in their right mind before the season started, duh. But here they are and they look pretty dominating.


Best Commercial of the Night

Taco Bell

This commercial made us actually LOL when we first saw it. Black ops, best line.


The Ryan Malone Wheaties Award

Gabriel Landeskog

Another team that has had a fast and awesome start with a lot of help from their superstar rookie at the helm. He's been scoring like a beast but is also pretty competent on the penalty kill. That's a responsible Swede for ya.


FAIL Award

Ryan Whitney

Another injury? Really? What the eff ever, we're over it. He's got to find a new wife now.

Minggu, 30 Oktober 2011

Guest Blogger: Cassi's First NHL Game

The readers of this blog are why we still do what we do. When we got the email from Cassi with a desire to tell the story of her first NHL game, we couldn't say no.

We think this is a great read and hope that you enjoy it as well.


A Chicago Cinderella Story: An Effed Up Friday Night Fairy Tale

So remember when you were a kid, and you’d read fairy tales? You possibly had the pink room with Cinderella wallpaper, or spent countless Halloweens looking like Snow White (if you’re like me, you had both). Maybe you even asked your parents why you didn’t live in a castle. But then you grew up and realized that when asked what you wanted to be when you grew up, “a princess” wasn’t a good response. So you move on, and perhaps you start liking horses. My point is despite what age you are, or how “cool” you may think you are, when it all boils down, every girl craves a good fairy tale. With Prince Charming, little birds, singing mice, a fairy godmother, and of course, a happy ending. HEADS OUT THE GUTTERS LADIES! So with this in mind, I hope that I can take you back with my little story here.

So grab some HoHos

and turn on your Scooby-Doo nightlight. Make sure Mommy and Daddy are sleeping. And here we go...(A/N-I know fairy tales aren’t typically in first person, but this is an EFFED up fairy tale, so it’s all good!)

Once upon a time, in a suburb close to the magical land of Chicago, lived a lovely little family. There was a mommy, three burley sons, and one daughter. Her name was Cassi, and that’s me. This is the story of what happens when a fairy godmother gives a hockey loving family FRONT ROW SEATS to a Blackhawks preseason game. It was recently my birthday, and by the grace of Joel Quenneville’s mustache, my “fairy godmother”, better known as my mom’s friend, gifted me with these.

It will forever be the best gift ever. We’re not supposed to disclose any more information about the status of how he got these tickets, so we’ll just leave it at that. Wow, that was like Cinderella meets The Godfather. I’d like to see that mash-up. Anyways, so when I got the tickets, the first thought that ran through my head was “This may be too close for comfort...” but then I realized this was not a drill, and I screamed. Honestly, I was so grateful. I was grateful, and then I thought “Shoot! What the heck am I supposed to wear?!” Now, I am NOT some egotistic 17 year-old. I am exactly what you would think a girl with three brothers would be like. I don’t take any crap. I’m an avid reader of the Hockey Junkies, can out stat the pants off of any drunk guy at a bar, and I honestly just love the sport of hockey. (umm, yea, duh!). Going back though, tell me you wouldn't ponder what to wear if you got front row seats to see (insert your NHL team of choice here).

Before my family and I load up the carriage (an 08 Toyota Scion that has squeaky brakes) and go over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house, aka the United Center, we first have to start with the some intros. My family is a bunch of characters, to put it simply. My mom “Da Joans” is, at times, slightly out of touch with reality. She also is what one would call an “aggressive driver”. This is always nice when we go to Chicago, not. And yea, I do call her “Da Joans”. The name holds a special place in our hearts, so therefore, it is not disrespectful. I have three brothers, four short of being my seven dwarfs. Michael or Grumpy, is 17. He has an er....interesting personality. He likes to drive errantly (hmm, wonder where he gets that from?), blast loud music, and swear like a truck driver. Family dinners are quite lovely with him. Dominick or Dopey, is 14, and he is huge. His back is the width of our kitchen table. We’ve measured. Many people think he’s older than me, but he’s not. He also finds great pleasure in telling me to “shut up”. Dominick plus Michael equals BOOM. No one is safe. Paulie, or Sleepy is 9. The youngest. Butt of all jokes that don’t include me. There you go.

The Motley Crew is known.

So back to the game. On the way there, somewhere along the Eisenhower, Dominick started to sing and Michael joined along. Paulie fell asleep and Da Joans was swearing at every passing car. Traffic was terrible on account of it being rush hour. My family doesn’t play car games, our entertainment of choice is being degrading to other occupants of the highway. And for the two older brothers, it’s being rude and singing. All at the same time. They are very talented. We can refer to them as the little birds and singing mice in this equation. Except they didn’t dress me in ribbons and what not, and they defiantly aren’t little.

Arriving at the UC, Michael screams out over the blasting music “Roll up your windows! Roll up your windows!” This was because before we could even get near the turreted castle of the UC, you had to pass the trolls on the bridge. The trolls on the bridge being the homeless individuals of Chicago. Except Michael told me to leave my windows down, because according to him, the homeless man closest to me was Patrick Kane, and he was waiting for me.

Now Michael, just because you can’t grow a mullet and have horrible judgment does not mean you can be jealous. Of course, since all fairy tales have some kind of conflict, we couldn’t find where the eff the parking pass we had was. We drove around the UC twice before we found our place among the other carriages. So, being the paparazzi of this trip, I insisted upon a photo session in front of the Michael Jordan statue, much to my brothers’ dismay. But they did enjoy mocking the foreign tourists we encountered by the statue on the way home. You’re probably extremely bored of this whole pregame stuff by now. But let me remind you that Cinderella did not go to the ball right after scrubbing the floors, and Snow White did not leave the dwarfs’ cottage dirty before singing with them, or whatever. I’ll flip a few pages to the good stuff. Our seats were in section 103 and I was not prepared for this. It was all so easy. We just walked in the UC, showed the security guy our tickets. He pointed to the very front seats and we just walked down there, me feeling like whichever princess walks down the staircase with the prince at the bottom (ain’t that all of them?). That’s when it happened. You know that scene in Cinderella when her fairy godmother gives her a new dress and she’s all like “Weee! Ahhh!”?

Yea, well, that was me. Except I didn’t get a new dress. But standing in front of my seat, looking out on the ice, and looking all around the massive UC, I had a princess moment. A moment where I felt like nothing could get better. I may not have a crown, or have a prince charming, but glass seats at a Hawks game is pretty damn close. I could have stayed in that moment forever, but my thoughts were cut by the words of my sarcastic brother, Dopey “These aren’t the BEST seats in the house.”

Now, I am going to admit it. I had a fan girl moment. If I can’t admit to it here, and get it out in the open, where else can I? Everyone must understand that I’m a girl, with ovaries, estrogen, and a respect for Jonathan Toews that goes beyond what he can do with a puck. When the Hawks (or the “prince charmings” of the story eh eh?!) came out and started practicing right in front of us, I grab hold of Da Joans’ leather jacket she insisted upon wearing, and mouthed to her “Holy shit”. Then I did something I’m ashamed of. I screeched “Ohmigosh! It’s Jonanthan Toews!”.

OK...hold it right there! Before you completely stop reading this, my screech was a whisper screech. AND it was only to my mother, not to the entire UC. I’d like to see what you’d do if you saw YOUR favorite NHL player all up close and personal. Something tells me you wouldn’t be all Joe Cool either. Mmk, so moving on. Flip past practice, trying not to oogle at all the players (conversation with myself: “Cassi! Grab ahold of yourself! Focus on evaluating the offense this year, or observe Crawford’s goal position. C’mon, you can do th-AHHH! Stalberg shot the puck over here!”). Cue the anthem (Jim Cornelision has gotten some specs, refined, I must say!).

And then the game started.

Seconds after the puck dropped, Seabs (who is like Flounder from the Little Mermaid in his breathing style) came skating by and all out flattens Ovi (Russian Sasquatch!) against the glass right in front of Dominick. It was epic. Ovi got up and was all like “I have a tramp stamp”.

He skated away and Da Joans chirped in my ear “Why does he have yellow laces? Does he like Tweety Bird?”. Yes, yes he does. Hawks got a power play early on, but couldn’t capitalize (pardon the pun). The Caps (Joel Ward) scored about 14 minutes into the 1st period with an assist by our Tweety Bird loving Russian Sasquatch. Other than that, and the enchantment this princess felt watching the Hawks rush up and down the ice, the first period was pretty dull. A little note here, the United Center, hands down, has the best hot dogs. The best. So good. Because it’s a fact that all fairy tales have evidence of meat products. I mean, in Snow White, the deer the hunter killed was so obviously for making venison stew. Duh. Before the 2nd period, the Caps practiced in front of us, and there were more questions from Da Joans regarding Ovi’s lace color. “Why are they like that?” “Why don’t any other players have different color skates?” There’s a logical question, Joans.

The 2nd period began and a little while into holding every breath with all 12 shots on goal (Cause wouldn’t it be awesome if the Hawks scored right by us?!), Jamal “The Head From My Hair Fell To My Eyebrows” Mayers got into a little scuffle with Danny Richmond.

And, to me at least, this was not a little cat fight like Cinderella’s stepsisters ripping up her bird made dress. This was the dragon type of fight from Sleeping Beauty. Except no one was sleeping because who doesn’t love to see a hockey fight? People that hate children, puppies, and old people that’s who. Oh wait, that’s Jonathan Toews. Whoops. Well actually, that explains a lot...No scoring in the 2nd though. Like I said, it’d been so cool if the Hawks scored and they did a lil celly right by us. Oh well. The glass slipper doesn’t always fit.

The third period is when the Madhouse started to rock. The puck dropped and as my grandfather would say, someone lit a fire under the Hawks asses. Let’s just hope that Patrick Kane never gets the lighter, because he’s no good with fire, and would probably burn Stalberg’s hair, Mayer’s eyebrows, and Sharpie’s eyelashes all off. Heck, he’d burn his own mullet off. So anyways, the 3rd period was great. At 3:24, Stalberg did a little snap shot that got past Vokoun. The assists were Brandon Saad (whom I know from an incident about 2 years ago at a Bensenville ice rink...) and Fahey. I nearly split open my hand pounding on the glass, and Michael got nacho cheese all over the glass he was banging. Wonder if Cinderella suggests Windex for cleaning processed cheese off glass? In the time it took for Ariel to learn how to walk, Stalberg scored again, this time on a nifty little wrap around.

We were up on our feet again, and the Hawks were leading. Captain Serious assisted on that goal, with Steve Montador. Caps got it in a short while after that. Matt Hendricks backhanded it pass Crawford. Sin bin sitters in the 3rd were Matthew Ford, and Hjalmarsson (bless you!) The clock was ticking down, and then with roughly 4 minutes left, Brandon Saad, aided by Toews and Keith (who by the way, has fabulous hair in person), shot a wrister that ended up on the score board. Deal done. Time ticked down, and when the clock struck midnight, or 0:00, no one turned into pumpkins. The Hawks put their sticks up, and the lights were flashing “Blackhawks Win!”. That feeling was a fitting glass slipper and a sleep awaking kiss wrapped into one, covered in bacon. As much as I wanted to stay and stalk the prince charmings of the night (I know, stupid reference, but every fairy tale has a prince charming, and the drunk guy behind me sure did not fit the bill) while going out to their cars (or expensive foreign carriages), we had 3 boys with us, who do not see the deal behind why Patrick Sharp is so attractive. So, as quickly as Cinderella flew the coop after the ball, the little blue Scion was out of the UC’s parking lot. The horses would soon turn into mice again, the driver a dog (just kidding, Da Joans is not a dog) and the night would soon be over. We left the magical place that is the UC in the dust. But don’t you know that Cinderella was rushing to get home because she spent too much time eating crappy Mexican food after the ball? So following her example, before the “the end” could be written, we stopped at Taco Bell and got a box of tacos. Wish granted.

Happy ending.

The End.

Sabtu, 29 Oktober 2011 Headlines: Uh, What?

Sometimes it's hard to ignore the ridiculous sayings and puns that we see every day on But today is one of those days when every headline made us go 'WTF? Who thought that was funny?'

Something like this,

cannot be ignored just for it's sheer ridiculousness.

And then you've got this

Uh, okay.

This one is funny because of the faces. Like, why would you pick this picture to represent a game that is currently going on?

Wasn't there something better they could have picked?

Lastly, we found this ad on the New Jersey Devils site

And we kinda actually like it because it's the good kind of pun.

Jumat, 28 Oktober 2011

Date Night Friday: Date Fail (Part Deux)

We have a lot of ideas but one of our best one was Date Fail because everyone's been through one. Or if you're like Noodles, you've been through more than one.

Anyway, how many times have you been out with a guy and everything seemed like it would be okay but then something happened and it turned into a disaster?

That's why we created Date Fails.


Daniel Carcillo

He would ask if your Dad was proud of you...

Erik Gudbranson

You realize that he is actually the Jolly Green Giant in Terminator skin and that's when the date ends.

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins

He has to legally bring a guardian on the date so say hello to Mr. Horcoff.

Brian Elliott

The date ends early because you have one too many cocktails and keep asking him if his real name is Billy and if he likes to dance.

Claude Giroux

He keeps getting these creepy text messages from someone named Danny that say things like 'I can see you with that girl' and 'Why did you leave me?'.

Steve Montador

*stares* "Hi." And that's it, for the whole date.

Kris Letang

Every time he flips his hair, there is a sigh of longing from the peanut gallery of men that follow him around.

Dave Bolland

He antagonizes you the whole date until you punch him in the nose and then you get taken to the penalty box or jail...

Max Talbot

At the strip club he takes you to, he gets super drunk and keeps shushing you every time you say anything.

Adam McQuaid

His mullet eats your food. And the waiter. And attempts to eat you but you're running down the street by then.


Sometimes these are too easy.

And it's fun to exaggerate a player's personality or character flaw for these fails.

Would you still date any or all of these guys with their failed dates? Let us know either in the comments or the poll.

Also, do you have any date fails you think would happen?

Kamis, 27 Oktober 2011

Decision Time

A lot of the rookies are reaching the nine-game point and teams have to make a decision to either keep him or send him back to Juniors.

The Oilers are opting to keep the Nuge which has us happy-dancing in our seats for the Oilers and we get to see him grow into his lady-face. It will happen. LeTude called it when she said Taylor Hall would grow into his horse-face.

They also play together really, really well. Along with Jordan Eberle.

Also, in a not a surprise at all move, the Avalanche are keeping Gabriel Landeskog. One, they need him. Two, he's been ridiculously awesome for the team.

And the Flyers are keeping Sean Couturier which makes us alternately happy (because he's cute) and yet frustrated because now we have to learn how to spell his name correctly.

He's been impressive for the Flyers and with younger Scheen out for an extended period of time with a broken foot, it's a good decision.

There isn't an article about it that we've seen but it looks like Adam Larsson will be staying with the Devils this season. Yay, another Swede!

And the Kings have Slava Voynov on the backend who scored his first NHL goal tonight along with another one in the Kings win over the Stars. He's been pretty good for them and might stay with them for a while.

Or until Drew Doughty returns.

Other News:

- Ryan Whitney is injured again. This is getting to be just ridiculous. Ridiculous. He sprained his knee in the Oilers win against the Canucks and will be out for THREE WEEKS.

Really? What a jerk.

- This fight last night between Brad Marchand and PK Subban was definitely a great highlight.

It's like two kids play-fighting, love it.

- Kyle Turris has asked the Phoenix Coyotes for a trade. There's a lot of bad blood between Turris and the Coyotes brass. Really weird.

- There is talk to bring AHL teams to the West coast so that Western teams will have their prospects closer and they do not have to travel for hours and hours after a sudden or emergency call-up.

- The Penguins will be hosting the 2012 NHL Entry Draft. Can you hear us screaming with joy? Cause we totally are. We've been up on this since the summer but it was officially announced yesterday.

Rabu, 26 Oktober 2011

Top Ten: Underrated Hotties

Everyone we know has that one player that they talk about all the time and they insist that he's hot and then one day you take a look at him and it's like 'WHOA YES, HE'S A STONE COLD HOTTIE!!!' or something like that.

We know we do it all the time.

Some are guys who you will say, "Hey, he's not underrated, I like him" but that's the point of this post. These are the guys that we obsess over and other people are like, "What, why?" Everyone has their own taste.

Here is our top ten but you are more than welcome to comment and let us know who you think is an underrated hottie in your book.

Top Ten: Underrated Hotties

10. Linus Omark - Edmonton Oilers

We asked Macke who she would put on this list and she yelled through text message, 'LINUS OMARK' and we actually felt bad for not thinking of him in the first place. He is Swedish, has amazing hair and can score goals not just in the shootout.

09. James Neal - Pittsburgh Penguins

If you're a Stars or Pens fan, you know this bitch and you really love him. He's a goal-scoring machine right now and it's a beautiful thing. How can you not love him and his ginger beard? It's almost like you have to.

08. Zach Bogosian - Winnipeg Jets

Who, you say? What do you mean you don't know who this biotch is? Get up on the names and faces, women. We think every girl should be in love with his eyebrows alone. Come on, look at that FACE!

07. Brandon Sutter - Carolina Hurricanes

He has definitely grown into his looks which is a great thing. Noodles called it when he was in the Super Series like a million years ago. Also, we don't believe he's a Sutter, he's too pretty to be the spawn of Brent Sutter.

06. John Tavares and Josh Bailey - New York Islanders

Two good-looking centers on one team? How dare they flaunt this great hair and wonderful cheekbones? Why aren't we Islanders fans by now? Those lucky bastards. No wonder we enjoy Penguins/Islanders games so much...

05. Colin Wilson and Nick Spaling - Nashville Predators

Honestly, the Predators are on the Hottie Watch List right now. SO MANY up and coming hotties on this team. We're excited. And you should be too. The Preds are mired in some kind of funk right now but they will pull through and if not, at least they're good-looking.

04. Marc-Andre Gragnani - Buffalo Sabres

He came up last season for the Sabres brief playoff run and has stuck around. But that isn't what's important to us. We're into the looks, duh. He's French-Canadian, has a nice smile and plays defense. Yes, please.

03. Alec Martinez - Los Angeles Kings

Hello, hottie. We knew he existed but never really knew what he looked like until we did the One-A-Days last season and that was the end of us not knowing about him. Now he gets the creepy fan-mail like all the rest of them.

02. Marco Scandella - Minnesota Wild

If you're like us then you rarely watch the Wild, it happens and we apologize. But then we kept hearing his name and then we looked him up and BAM! we were pregnant...just kidding.

01. Gregory Campbell - Boston Bruins

Jesus take the wheel and the keys and the entire dealership. He's like ridiculously good-looking. Can we gift-wrap him and put him under the Christmas tree?

Selasa, 25 Oktober 2011

Put Him In There, Too!

This is why we sing the praises of YouTube all day and every day...

We find stuff like this.

And this, whatever the hell this is

Probably made by some angry Flyers fan...we kid, we kid.

Oh, and we found this

It's a deep, dark hole when we start down this path of YouTube video leading to another YouTube video.

See? This is what happens to us on YouTube

They're throwing muffins, LOL.

Senin, 24 Oktober 2011

Fantasy Hockey Update: Week Three

(This week, due to our vacation, the posts have been pre-done so this picture was taken on Sunday morning.)

Hello fellow hockey pool junkies.

How do you think you did last week?

It's a little further into the season so some teams and players are finally finding their groove which is helping settle this up and down fantasy points.

Let's check it out...

Top Five:

1. TurboShelly
2. Mr. Bananagrabber
3. Wet Island Pool Boys
4. Evgenia
5. CheezyChiliCheezs

It looks like TurboShelly has taken the lead with the help from misconducts and fights from Brandon Dubinsky and Zdeno Chara.

And Evgenia has the three shutouts from Jonathan Quick that has rocketed her to fourth place. Pretty nice when you pick the right goalie.

Also, Mike Green had a huge night against the Detroit Red Wings. Actually, the entirety of the Washington Capitals had a huge night on Saturday.

That helped quite a few jumps in the standings.

Anyway, good luck and hope everyone has another good week!

Awards Monday: Week Three

Hottie of the Week

Hal Gill, Joe Thornton and Nicklas Lidstrom

Halbert and Jumbo made it to their 1,000 games. That is quite an accomplishment.

And the Perfect Human reached 1,500. What a man.


Best Commercial of the Night


We can't watch this and not laugh.


The Ryan Malone Wheaties Award

Henrik Lundqvist

A forty-save shutout against the Western Conference Champs? That's pretty amazing. Six consecutive starts? Or course. He's a beast.