Senin, 28 Februari 2011

Awards Monday: Week Twenty

Hottie Of The Week

Buffalo Sabres

with new ownership they're suddenly a hot team and with the acquisition of Brad Boyes from St. Louis, they're only getting hotter


Best Commercial Of The Night


because that Pug is the cutest thing in the world


The Ryan Malone Wheaties Award

Corey Perry

For giving birth to a healthy 9-pound baby named Ryder James Getzlaf and then playing a game that night.
(It's not creepy that we knows this since the Anaheim Ducks tweeted it the minute Perry and Getzlaf gave birth.)

Minggu, 27 Februari 2011

He's Baaaaack

Our new adopted son, Joey the Jr. Reporter, is back with more awkwardly cute interviews with the Chicago Blackhawks.

Thanks to Jennifer for the tip.

- The Predators sent Alexander Sulzer to the Florida Panthers for a conditional draft pick.

- Joffrey Lupul left his cell phone in a cab and then asked his Twitter followers to help him find it. He gave them a jersey and game tickets. Sweet deal, we have to say.

- Waiver Wire! Marco Sturm was claimed on waivers by the Washington Capitals. Nick Boynton was claimed by the Philadelphia Flyers. And Craig Rivet was picked up by the Blue Jackets.

- The Panthers traded Bryan McCabe to the Rangers for Tim Kennedy and a third round pick.

- Brent Seabrook signed a contract extension with the Chicago Blackhawks for five years.

Sabtu, 26 Februari 2011

Silver Fox: Win A Date With An Oldster #15

Jaromir Jagr.

You knew this day would come but it definitely came quicker than we expected. We had to feature the mullet.


Silver Fox: Win A Date With An Oldster

Jaromir Jagr

Current Position
forward with Avangard Omsk

Former Position
forward with the Penguins, Capitals and Rangers

Why He's Amazing
played alongside Mario Lemieux and won a Hart Trophy to go along with his five Art Ross Trophies and a Stanley Cup

Why He's (Still) Sexy As Hell
We'll let LeTude take this one, "His gorgeous blue eyes and silky black hair, duh."

What You Would Do On A Date
You spend the date at a casino where he teaches you how to be successful at poker and how to win. He buys you whatever you want to drink and makes small talk about what it was like to play with Mario.

Jumat, 25 Februari 2011

Date Night Friday: Logan Couture

So, we haven't had a Date Night Friday in quite some time because it has been discontinued but Centaur sent us this one and we just had to post it. It's a cute date, we have to admit.


Logan Couture

Juicy (Logan Couture -> Juicy Couture -> Juicy – get it?), Cooch/Coutch, Cooter, LoCo, Teeth


San Jose Sharks

21/March 28, 1989

Guelph, ON (but grew up in London – and proud that the Biebz was born there, too… (via Twitter on 2/22/11: @Logancouture: “Don't know if I should be proud or saying this, but I think I have the Bieber Fever, the kid is a star, and he was born in London, love it.”))

Listening to hip hop, pretending to be ghetto , making jokes about his modeling career, watching the Buffalo Bills, dancing awkwardly , being awesome and clutch and scoring even when no one else is

Random Fact
Plays with his mouthguard. Like, a lot.

What Happens On The Date
When he picks you up, the first thing he does is get out, open the door for you and flash his brilliant TEETH at you, apologizing for the last time when he awkwardly ran away blushing after he accidentally bit you while trying to kiss you. You’re blinded at first by the glimmering expanse of white that is his smile, but after blinking a couple times you reassure him that it’s okay, due to how he’s been playing this year and get into his car, where he’s playing Drake in the background.

He takes you to Original Joe’s, where he and the team always eat at after pre-game skate, and you sit at a nice, quiet table in the back. A couple of fans approach him on the way out and he obliges, but other than that his attention is on you the whole time and he makes you laugh.

After dinner, you head over to Santana Row, where you walk around and he tells you stories about his wacky teammates, his superstitions, and his newfound love for Justin Bieber. Finally, he drives you home and after he walks you to the door, he leans in to kiss you.

Was It A Satisfactory Date?

Do you back away of the sight of those TEETH? Do you forgive and forget and let him kiss you?

Do you rush inside afterward, watch some highlight reels, and fall as in love with him as these girls are? Tumblr alert...

Kamis, 24 Februari 2011

Holy Carp, Trades Going Down

- The Pittsburgh Penguins have been busy, busy bees lately. First, they traded Alex Goligoski to the Dallas Stars for James Neal and Matt Niskanen.

Then Ray Shero traded a conditional 7th round pick to the Ottawa Senators for Alex Kovalev.

Both Goligoski and Neal have adjustments to make with their new teams and Sidney Crosby.

- Sean O'Donnell was injured in a game against the New York Rangers and will be out for a while.

- Apparently, Jonny Toews wasn't happy with how his team was playing against the St. Louis Blues and he flipped out on them. They won after scoring four goals in the second period.

- The Canucks are getting healthy as Dan Hamhuis and possibly Keith Ballard could be back. Just in time, we say.

- The Leafs want a blueline like right now. Mr. Burke demands it.

- Scottie Upshall was suspended for a hit he laid on Oskars Bartulis in the Phoenix/Philadelphia game.

- The Improvement Of Luke Schenn.

- The Thrashers traded Brent Sopel and Nigel Dawes to the Montreal Canadiens for Ben Maxwell and a 4th round pick.

- Goalie Swap! The Lightning traded Dan Ellis to the Ducks for Curtis McElhinney.

- Brooks Orpik broke his finger in the Pens/Sharks game. Laaaaame!

- Peter Stastny had some harsh words for the Colorado Avalanche after trading Chris Stewart and Paul was like, "Um, my dad has opinions and he's a little craaaaazy!"

- Everbody loves Kris in Philadelphia. That's a good thing, right?

- The Carolina Hurricanes acquired Cory Stillman from the Panthers.

Selasa, 22 Februari 2011

Humiliation For A Good Cause - Cincinnati Cyclones

We received this email from April aka Hostess Cupcake and just had to share:

Just yesterday, the Cincinnati Cyclones, an ECHL team and the only one I ever get to see play regularly, released their fabulous music video/song parodying "I'm on a Boat". It's called "I'm on the 'Clones", and there's a shower scene:

Oh and, in case you need any more motivation (besides the shower scene) to watch it, it's also for a good cause. Dustin Sproat, the co-exectutive producer and backup dancer sporting a fedora, runs a neat charity called Hockey Players for Kids. The team held a little pre-premiere with a dinner and auction to raise money, and the video itself is just getting the word out about the charity. So in a way it's kind of like a second Humiliation, for a Good Cause. Except it's a video. Also I think the "rap group" in the video call themselves The Beauticians.

Anyway, hope you like the video!


We watched this video and just died laughing. Hockey players with personality are the best and these guys have a lot of it.

Watch it and love it.

TravelBlog 2.0 - Jennifer

Recently, Jennifer traveled to Vancouver to cheer on her Hawks and sent us a hilarious account of her adventures.

We wish that some of this showed up on YouTube.


Hockey good, beer bad--a weekend in Vancouver as a Blackhawks fan

It began as one of those crazy ideas. My girl Corrine was moving with our company to Portland--a land without hockey--and while musing what it would be like to survive in such a hellmouth I mentioned the relative closeness to Vancouver. Checking the Blackhawk schedule I noticed a game in February...just about the time she felt she’d start getting homesick. Randomly checking airfare and expecting it to be somewhere in the Kovalchuk dry cleaning bill range, I was shocked to find it more Eberle Clearasil allowance ballpark. Plane booked, hotel booked, train tickets booked, seats was a go. Amazingly, it was a go.

Following are quick snippets of a weekend that combined laughs, heartbreak and levels of liver damage not seen since Matt Duchene’s ill fated evening at the Chilis in Raleigh.

*The day before leaving, I went with my girls Jessica and Courtney to our new favorite vaguely stalkeresque pastime...Blackhawks Open Practice. None of the All Stars were there so we were left to stand on the glass and marvel at the furiously paced tape to tape passing drills and see a collective focus that made me hopeful for the ensuing road trip. Plus Viktor Stalberg’s eyelashes. They’re so long Jessica is sure she can see them from the back of his head. We now call him Giraffe.

*I left Chicago at 8am on the first of February, six hours before the biggest snowstorm the city has seen in fifteen years. Holler. There were Hawks fans on my flight headed to Vanc via Seattle. Double Holler.

*The giddyness of seeing Corrine (and her lovely boyfriend/hockey freak Dave), vacation, beating the storm and hockey leads me to do things I don’t normally do. Such as drink so much beer that I choose to consume and enjoy a deep fried chili cheese dog named the Turtle. Magnificent. I also tell its namesake, a lovely grizzled old barfly named Turtle that yes, I am in fact a Blackhawks cheerleader. He likes Green Bay, what do I care about being truthful?

*While on the way to meet some other friends at a fantastic bourbon lounge in the Nob Hill district of Portland (heh heh), we are informed via text that we have missed the Goalie Fight of the Year. It becomes a mission the rest of the evening to find a television that will show replays. Success at a bar called Bitter End where the scrummy tender tells me that Marian Hossa used to play for the Portland WinterHawks, the AHL team. It’s obvious he has a Mancrush on Hossa (and who could blame him?) and suggests I get a WinterHawks jersey so if I ever meet him I can impress him. My inquiry as to if that would get Hossa to do me leaves him flummoxed. So, probably yes.

*Train to Vancouver! 8 hours! Watching the Hawks Stanley Cup video! Drinking many beers! Making fun of Bobby Lu’s crossed eyes and the Sedins’ pedophilac team pictures!

*Get to Vancouver in the pouring rain but luckily it’s easy to find our hotel, which is not only cheap and clean but two blocks from Rogers Arena. Since it’s late the chi-chi looking hotel bar is closed, but the pneumatically buxom server directs us to another ive minutes away. We get there--the bar is practically empty...and there’s HOCKEY ON EVERY TV. Daddy, is this Heaven? We strike up a conversation with our bartender Peter who suddenly...miraculously...can TALK HOCKEY. INTELLIGENTLY. Seriously, have I died? O Canada! My (new) home and (not really) native land! We drink local beer and talk hockey. Peter’s very attractive in that nerdy/stud kind of way and as I notice that he’s wearing not one but two thumb rings to go with his soul patch I start to realize that our beloved Furry Burrito may have some competition or a future as a bartender. Peter extends an invite to us to return to the bar after the next night’s game on him and he’d hook us up, as he is the assistant manager. Seeing as Vancouver pricing is a bit more Big City than Portland, we are more than happy to agree.

*The next day--Game Day--we decide to wander through the city. Corrine and I are in our Blackhawks daytime ensembles (team t-shirts) and find it curious that we are either getting scowled at or warned by complete strangers to be careful. Really? This is Canada. People are supposed to be friendly, right? Wandering the lakefront, we pass the Hawks hotel (Westin Bayshore, fyi, if you’re looking for any opposing team) just as a worker wheels out two empty kegs. Oh Kaner....

*I follow the Hawks ESPN guy on Twitter. He tweets they’re about to start practice and I send him a message--hey, able to sneak us in? Two of us are cute girls! No dice..but always worth a try. As Edzo says, if you want to score, go to the net. We instead decide to sample heavily from the finest beers of BC. And eat cupcakes. Better combo than you imagine. Dave and Corrine buzzingly skate around an ice rink by the university. Oh and it’s 50 degrees. In Chicago there’s 2 feet of snow on the ground. Holler.

*Onto the game. A woman selling tube steak from a cart yells she even serves Blackhawk fans but, remarkably, we decline. Entering the arena really does feel weird--I’ve never gone to a game behind enemy lines before and especially not with two other people, all three of us sweater-clad (Dave in a road sweater, Corrine in a practice sweater, myself in the retro third sweater probably asking for trouble the most since the name is Stanley and the number is the house that we torched in the playoffs.) People are actually...quite....nice. The beaking is so minor and in respectful fun that we joke that we may have to apologize on the way out if the Hawks win. We go down to the runway to watch the skatearound and I’m encouraged by the looks of determination on the Hawks faces. They must’ve taken their Taser pills this morning. Healthy amount of Hawks jerseys in the crowd too--we feel like a rebel faction.

*The game is Playoff Calibre Hockey. It’s obvious the Hawks are outplaying the Canucks but my goodness without Buff to screen him Luongo is beyond insane. Even a pretty passing play by the babyfondling Sedins make us shake our heads in awe. My fear that our seats in section 311 would leave us with bloody noses is unfounded as Rogers Arena is 2/3rds the size of the United Center--we’re right on top of the action. A guy a few rows down starts chirping at me as the game goes back and forth and I chirp back as Turco once again gives me IBS. I console myself by thinking that the plus of starting Mediocre Marty is that Q can always pull him for Crawford. Hawks lose in a heartbreaker and with the exception of the tragically overserved teenage girl in front of us who flips us off (after nearly stumbling to her death on the concrete), everyone accepts our handshakes and ‘good game’ acknowledgements--and follows it up with ‘see you in the playoffs’ or ‘I actually love the Hawks when they’re not playing us’...I think to if the situation were reversed. Hawks fans would be merciless. Lesson learned, Canada. Lesson learned.

*Heading down to Granville--a street of bars I would never normally frequent if not on vacation and in a dumbass partying mood--we drink our way through the pubs avoiding the clubs and again engage with a lot of Canucks fans on our journey. One typical exchange:

Canucks fan: “Ahhh, got burned tonight, hahahaha.”

Me: “That may be...but we still have the Cup.”

Canucks fan (sighing): “Touche.”

Me: “But you’ll have more of a chance than us this year.”

I’m struck by the universal love for Toews--he’s truly got a future in politics here. Everytime I see a limo I peer in the back trying to see the radioactive glow of PKane’s bare chest but to no avail. I swear I see Eric Staal at a bar, even though I know it’s impossible. Best moment of the night is stopping in a video arcade to shoot some zombies...we discover some wooden booths in the back offering viewings of 70’s era porn for a quarter each. Of course we watch all of them. Fantastic.

*Our last night in Canada, knowing we have an early train, we go for Indian food (superb) and decide to try the chi-chi hotel bar, just to keep it local. It’s relatively empty and again, every tv is tuned to hockey. The bartender walks up--the posterboy for gorgeous friendly healthy young Canadian. We strike up a conversation. His name is Brian. He’s from Vancouver Island. He also manages bands. Did I mention he plays hockey in a touring league and grew up with Jerome Iniglia?

Sweet tapdancing Christ.

We sit for hours, watching hockey, talking hockey, him severely overserving and criminally undercharging us. He swears we made his night by being knowledgable funny hockey fans--laughing at our Drew Doughty jokes and marvelling at my knowledge of more than just my team. I am envisioning how beautiful our bartending hockey playing spawn will be. Their first words will either be ‘ketel one’ or ‘neutral zone’. Showing an uncharacteristic flash of self-restraint, I take my leave without rocking his world (leave them wanting more?) but not before vowing to myself to send a widdle thank you note for a lovely evening....and my email and facebook.

Now I’m on my flight homewards to the land of ice, snow and windchill. My DVR is bulging with the games I missed and I’m not leaving the house till Sunday. And no more drinking. EVER. And if you believe that, I’ve got a playoff start for Turco to sell ya...


We love hockey-themed trips and this was a story for the ages.

Minggu, 20 Februari 2011

Awards Monday: Week Nineteen

Hottie Of The Week

Taylor Hall

nice first NHL hat trick, kid


Best Commercial Of The Night

Diet Mt. Dew

soooo funny


The Ryan Malone Wheaties Award

Ville Leino

for literally taking one for the team

(Thanks to Grace for the link and the video)

Busiest Trade Season Yet?


- The St. Louis Blues traded Erik Johnson, Jay McClement and a first round pick to the Colorado Avalanche for Chris Stewart, Kevin Shattenkirk and a second round pick. Talk about a blockbuster.

- But they're not done. The Blues also traded Eric Brewer to the Tampa Bay Lightning for Brock Beukeboom, an unsigned draft pick, and a third-round pick in the 2011 draft.

- The Ottawa Senators traded Jarkko Ruutu to the Anaheim Ducks for a sixth round pick. Ruutu and Corey Perry on the same team? Scary.

- Finally, the Toronto Maple Leafs traded Tomas Kaberle to the Boston Bruins for Joe Colborne, first round pick in 2011 and a conditional pick in 2012.

- In one of the strangest trades this season, the Colorado Avalanche traded Craig Anderson for Brian Elliott. Goalie swap! Seriously though, why would the Avs just give him up?

- The Bruins traded Blake Wheeler and Mark Stuart to the Atlanta Thrashers for Rich Peverley and Boris Valabik.


- Kevin Bieksa, the glass defenseman, now has a broken foot. That means that there are literally two NHL-calibre defensemen on the Canucks blueline, sort of.

- Jaroslav Halak was put on IR by the Blues with a hand injury.

- Suffering from almost the same injury as Halak, Derick Brassard was put on IR by the Blue Jackets. And he was having such a good season...

- Brad Richards is out for a while with concussion-like symptoms. That's a dirty shame for the Stars.

- The Nashville Predators' Ryan Suter was injured in a game against the Phoenix Coyotes.

- Marian Gaborik, who must be made of papier mache, is out with a concussion. That's like the hot word this season unfortunately.

Sabtu, 19 Februari 2011

Silver Fox: Win A Date With An Oldster #14

Silver Fox: Win A Date With An Oldster

Brian Burke

Current Position
Toronto Maple Leafs GM

Former Position
General Manager of the Anaheim Ducks, Vancouver Canucks and Hartford Whalers

Why He's Amazing
says whatever is on his mind and doesn't care if it's right or wrong

Why He's (Still) Sexy As Hell
he's Irish, does whatever he wants and doesn't take shit from anyone

What You Would Do On A Date
You would sit in his office with him during a regular day and brush his hair while he yelled at people, made trades and did general hockey things.

It's the perfect date.

Jumat, 18 Februari 2011

Double Date: Swedish Blackhawks

Door #1

Who: Viktor Stalberg

Date: Don't know why we think this but this date will probably incorporate some form of gym, tanning and laundry (GTL) and we wouldn't complain at all.


Door #2

Who: Niklas Hjalmarsson

Date: shop date at IKEA because Swedes really do not do anything else besides hang out at IKEA

You decide, which Swede is the one for you?

Kamis, 17 Februari 2011

Jersey Math #1

Last weekend, we attended both games that the Penguins had against the Islanders and the Rangers.

It was a fun trip despite seeing two bombs played by the Penguins. The Islanders game is one that we will tell our grandchildren about that's for sure.

One in-game game for the Islanders was this thing called 'Jersey Math' and we had to steal it.

Basically, two players were shown on the Jumbotron with their numbers blocked out and you had to either add or subtract their jersey numbers to get another player.

Like duh, this is a game made for us.

Rules are:

- no numbers will be shown
- the answer is from the same team as the players chosen
- no calculators!

Here's an example:

Alex Goligoski + Jordan Staal = Who?


If you answered #14 Chris Kunitz then YOU ARE CORRECT!

Isn't it so easy? And fun?

We are going to have so many more of these...

Here's the real Jersey Math #1

Brad Richards - Mark Fistric = Who?


If you answered #63 Mike Ribeiro then YOU ARE CORRECT!

Let us know if you like this new feature!

Rabu, 16 Februari 2011

And This Morning Was Going So Well

Today was going to be a good day. We had DVR'd Tosh.0 and made a delicious breakfast when our world was shattered.

Imagine our surprise when we got a text message that said, "I'm sorry Moms but I won't be playing tonight. I hurted my lil' hand."

Matt Duchene neglected to let his mothers know about this little injury that he acquired in the 9-1 loss to Calgary the night before.

And now he will be out indefinitely? Boooooooo!!!

Why do the hockey gods want us to be unhappy?!

And this is what happens when little Matty isn't in the lineup.

Selasa, 15 Februari 2011

Tuesday's Good For The News

- Kris Versteeg is now a Flyer. We had to talk Noodles down from the ledge at least twice since the news broke. No one is amused by this, Mr. Burke.

- Apparently, he wasn't really liked in Toronto anyway.

More trade news: FIRESALE IN OTTAWA!

Chris Kelly was traded to the Boston Bruins for a pick or two.

Zach Parise is almost ready to return. Too bad that his team is fighting for the top draft pick in the 2011 Draft. We kid, we kid.

Repercussions of the Penguins/Islanders fight-fest:

- Mario Lemieux had some comments about the way that the league handled the punishments.

- Then Zenon Konopka had something to say about Mario's comments.

- Garth Snow is surprised that the Penguins were not fined along with the Islanders. We were not surprised about that at all.

- Here is the summary of suspensions and fines handed out by the NHL.

- Eric Tangradi doesn't know how concussed he is which isn't so good.

- That same weekend the Penguins bus was in a minor accident in NYC and the team was forced to take cabs to an outside practice in Central Park.

- Ray Shero defends his team with wise words and minimal finger pointing.

- Video of the event:

What we can't believe is Trevor Gillies taunting Tangradi as he is motionless on the ice and in serious pain. Also, who tries to fight a dude after you elbow him in the face? It's disgusting to watch.

Senin, 14 Februari 2011

Awards Monday: Week Eighteen

Hottie Of The Week

Drew Stafford

6 goals on 6 shots in his last two games? Who is this man and what did he do with our old Drew Stafford?


Best Commercial Of The Night



The Ryan Malone Wheaties Award

Chris Stewart and the Penguins medical staff

cause they got it tough right now

Minggu, 13 Februari 2011

For Your Information: Jersey Shelf


Part Of Speech: noun

- the shelf that appears between a jersey logo and the collar when you sit down
- happens when a jersey logo is too large and pokes out farther than your body when you sit down
- large jersey + girl body = canyon between logo and collar

How It Started: If you own or have seen a Penguins jersey then you know that the logos are pretty large and if you own a men's jersey then you know that the logo is definitely larger than your body. One game, we were eating nachos and a chip fell and instead of landing on the floor we found it cradled between the jersey logo and the collar. Henrik coined the term for this phenomena.

Used In A Sentence: I was worried that I would lose the M&M I dropped but it landed on the jersey shelf.

Examples of the worst culprits for Jersey Shelf:

Penguins jersey

Oilers jersey

Blackhawks jersey

Bruins jersey

Avalanche jersey

Any examples that you have seen or experienced? Has this happened to you?