Senin, 26 September 2011

Broken Bromances Support Group

Hello, all.

If you are here then it is because you have lost a bro and it has left you heartbroken. Believe us, we understand. If Henrik ever lost Noodles or Noodles ever lost Henrik, there would be tears and Chunky Monkey ice cream all around.

This is the support group for broken and lost bromances. It seemed that this summer there were quite a few bromances that were broken up and we feel that a support group would be very helpful in these trying times.

There are a few steps/things that we recommend to mend a broken heart after a bromance that has been broken up.

1. score some goals, dammit

2. distract yourself as best as possible

3. strike up a new bromance as soon as possible

If you're asking yourself, "Hey Noodles and Henrik, no one likes me and I can't find a suitable bro for a bromance, boohoohoo."

Well, quit your belly-aching. We've got some suitable replacements for ya, so listen up chumps.

Bromance #1 - Mike Richards and Jeff Carter

They were broken up within minutes of each other and it was a terrible travesty to behold

For Mike, we recommend starting up a bromance with Jarret Stoll.

It seems like a good fit, both good-looking and like to go out and enjoy the night life (or so we've heard). They can hang out and be each other's wingmen, "Hey, hey girl."

For Jeffy-Jeff-Jeff, oh he's in Columbus, not much to do there. Sometimes. We always have a good time there although it usually involves fifty cent cotton candy and late-night run-ins with Tim Horton's drive-thrus.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. We recommend a bromance with Steve Mason.

Seems a little strange, right? Well, we think it's like the odd couple of bromances. But why the hell not? We think that little Steve needs to get out of his fat girl shell and live a little.

And Jeff could use someone to look up to him. Maybe it will clean up his act somewhat. Or maybe he will destroy the little boy-face of Steve Mason. Either way, it's a win-win.

Bromance #2 - Logan Couture and Devin Setoguchi

With Devin being traded to Minnesota, which was a surprise in a way, it seems that there is no hope for either....but there is

For Logan, this is an easy one, we think him and Jamie McGinn should turn the heat up on their already budding bromance.

And you cannot forget the now infamous picture that Logan tweeted of the two of them hugging it out like bros. So cute. It was like Devin never happened.

Now, for Devin, this is going to be a little harder. The oh-so-obvious choice would be fellow ex-Shark, Dany Heatley. But that doesn't make sense personality-wise.

We think that a bromance between Devin and Colton Gillies. How funny would that be? We think that they would be like Laurel and Hardy.

Cute and funny, double-header!

Bromance #3 - Drew Doughty and Wayne Simmonds

Right now, everyone's mad at Double D but we can't be mad at that cute little chubby face. And everyone should love Wayne, he's a really good player and we'd like to holla at him some day.

Drew's the easy match-up. This bromance has been in the making for at least a half-season already.

We think Drew and Jack Johnson should start up the bromance again.

And by this video alone, we think that they already have. It's almost like opposites attract and it's perfect.

Okay, Wayne. The enigma that is Wayne Simmonds. We thought that this would be harder than it was but we're happy for the simplicity of this bromancing.

We would like to make him bros with Max Talbot. That would be like the perfect match-up of bromances.

Bromance #4 - Marc-Andre Fleury and Max Talbot

When little Max decided to break every Pens' fans heart (we thought it was funny), they forgot about how poor Flower would feel

So, Fleury, yet again has it easy. He's got friends on the Penguins and players that heart his pranks and his face.

We think he should go back to his original bromance on the Penguins and become BFFs with Sidney Crosby again. They both had a great bromance with Max Talbot through the seasons so we think this will be good for both of them.

Maybe the 'Flower' can loosen up Captain Robot. We're saying 'maybe' on this one.

And Max, we've already touched on who he should be brooooos with.

For some reason we can just see the two of them playing pranks and being perfect together. Drew Doughty (Wayne's old bro) and Max seem to have similar dispositions and that's why it fits for Wayne.

Bromance #5 - Ryan Malone and Mike Smith

this bromance seems to have flown under the radar for a whole season or so and we're pretty ashamed of ourselves. There really needs to be more fans/attention paid to the teams in Flo-rida.

Okay, Ryan. Dear Ryan Malone, remember when he was a Penguin? Doesn't that feel like a century ago? It does to us.

We think that Mr. Malone would be wonderfully matched up with Vincent Lecavalier. With Martin St. Louis cavorting nowadays with the Steve(n)s, Vinny needs someone to bro around with.

And we've always thought this was cute.

Now, for Mike Smith. He's in Phoenix, THE DESERT. With the mish-mash of people on that team, well, it was a lot harder than you would think to find him a potential bro.

But we persevered and think that a bromance with Derek Morris is in the cards for Mike Smith in Phoenix.

If you asked why then you're one smart cookie. We think that bromances between players who play the same position are the best. It's a sort of symbiotic relationship in some ways.

And bromances between goaltenders and their defensemen are also perfect. They get each other and make like easier.

Bromance #6 - Marian Hossa and Tomas Kopecky

Another bromance that went under the radar for the past few seasons. But everyone who was either a Hawks or Red Wings fan knew about this.

We may be going out on a limb here but it seems that Marian Hossa has outgrown the use of a bro. It may be because he's European or it may be because he just had a child (they change EVERYTHING), but he just doesn't seem to need a bro any more.

Marian just seems content to be the lone wold of a team, be the man that has no bro. We think that he's okay with his lot in life.

Or something like that.

Ah, Tomas Kopecky. The man who used to live in Marian Hossa's shadow. He could use a nice bromance. He could use someone who will love him and his goofy personality.

And luckily there are a plethora of goofy personalities on the Panthers. Now, the easy set-up would be with Kris Versteeg but we like to dig a little deeper.

This may be a little off the map but Brian Campbell is a better match for Kopecky rather than Versteeg. Campbell is sneaky funny and so is Kopecky so they will be perfect together.

Bromance #7 - Sam Gagner and Andrew Cogliano

This one was a little heartbreaking to hear about. Everyone knew that Cogliano was going to be traded but it didn't hurt any less for poor little Sammy.

For Sam, this could be as simple as renewing a bromance from his rookie year. Does anyone remember who Cogliano and Gagner lived with when they first came to Edmonton?

If you said Tom Gilbert then you get a cookie!

Why the hell not? They already know each other, probably more than either would like to admit, so it will be easy for them to hang out and get along. This could have been harder because all of the Oilers seem to have bros already. They're all paired up.

But Tom is getting a little long in the tooth so a younger bro might just be the thing he needs. And Sam definitely needs a change of friend-scenery.

Andrew, poor Andrew. The boy that was to be traded. He went to Anaheim for Andy Sutton and a bag of pucks. It happens.

We think that he can become the fourth man in the Getzlaf-Perry-Ryan bromance. They've been looking for a fourth to complete the bromance square they've been working on.

Three is a crowd but four is a party. We think that Andrew would be the perfect compliment to this threesome.

And that is all for today, boys. We hope that with these suggestions and the photoshopping skills, you can visualize a good bromance with these boys.

It will be good for you and for the league. Now, go out there and make some sweet, sweet bromances!

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