Rabu, 31 Agustus 2011

One-A-Day: Pittsburgh Penguins

Sadly, the Penguins are the last of the One-A-Days. It is by far one of our funnest features on the blog and the one that definitely gets the fans out from their summer slumber.

Thanks to everyone who participated and also to the commenters on the posts because both make the blog a better place to visit.


Pittsburgh Penguins

Where do we even start? There are so many things to discuss: the terrible start to the season/Fleury's failure then they kicked it into high gear in November, 'the concussion', the Brawl on Long Island, so many injury woes, the Tampa Bay Lightning spanking, the Talbot un-signing. So many things to discuss.

But we go for the hard-hitting news here, as always. And one thing that has been on our mind is 'What jersey should Noodles buy for the season?' Seriously, it has been.

Kidding. Although that is for another post.

What we want to talk about is the future of the Penguins. Everyone knows what happened last season.

What we don't know is what is going to happen this season.

Shero tried unsuccessfully to sign Max Talbot to a three-year contract but that wasn't to be. And Jagr said 'see ya later' and jumped ship to the Flyers. It seemed like no one was left for Shero to sign.

But he's always been the king of the high risk/high reward signings/trades. And the underrated ones. For example, Petr Sykora. He was streaky but he was a huge part of the Penguins Cup run. An example of a bad one would be Alexei Ponikarovsky. We pretend that it didn't happen.

This past offseason, Shero signed Steve Sullivan to a one-year deal. We are extremely excited to see him in a Penguins uniform because we believe in Shero's Kool-aid and drink it with a smile on our faces.

We only have hope for this upcoming season. Every team is on the starting line and even with one another. (Except for the Senators, we don't know what happened there). Every team has a chance, for the first month of course.

There are several things that we're excited about as Penguins fans. And here they are in a Top Ten sort of way.

01. the return of Sidney Crosby (it will happen and he will be glorious)

02. James Neal playing with Crosby, excuse us while we fan-girl over that tandem

03. everything that Craig Adams chooses to be

04. maybe Matt Cooke has changed, well, now it's proving time Mister

05. apparently Malkin is ready for this season, hopefully that means Canadian ready and not Russian ready because there is a difference

06. Steve McIntyre's first fight in a Penguins uniform, lifelong fans will be made when he does

07. this is Eric Tangradi's last chance to prove it or lose it

08. Jordan Staal and his exasperated face will be on our television screens for the next six or so months

09. hey Dan Bylsma, how you doin'?

10. Marc-Andre Fleury's saves

11. the hope and the sadness and the joy and the screaming and the roller coaster games that this team has us go through year after year

Ray says, "Let's get this party started, peasants."

Now, onto the team.


General Manager - Ray Shero

Coach - Dan Bylsma

Team Captain - Sidney Crosby

Player(s) everyone should love - Craig Adams

if you ask why, please stop reading this blog

Player we don’t love - still Arron Asham, personal taste

Who they got - Jason Williams, Steve Sullivan, Alexandre Picard & Steve McIntyre

Who they lost - Mike Rupp, Eric Godard, Max Talbot, Brett Sterling, Boris Valabik, Corey Potter, Ryan Craig, Chris Conner, Mike Comrie & John Curry

Located at - Consol Energy Center (home of the impossible exit)


Hotness level - 6

Keep your earrings on, ladies. There are reasons for the number. Every team starts with a 10 and we work from there.

The loss of Mike Rupp's family values and dirty mouth took the Penguins down a notch. And so did the loss of Eric Godard. We are still mourning the departure of the nicest man ever. Both of their departures impact the hotness level by docking four points total. That's a 6.

The addition of James Neal adds two points. So that's an 8. And Deryk Engelland's defense combined with Zbynek Michalek's face gives the team another point. If you're following, 9 right now.

But then there's a minus for Kris Letang's hair when he has it tooooooo long. And another one for Boris Valabik and another minus for Arron Asham. That's 6.

We can't forget about Sidney Crosby's booty-bounce and his skillz. That's a point. Then another for Chris Kunitz's voice and hedgehog hair. Now that's another 8.

As we continue down the roster, there's a plus for Eric Tangradi's face. So far, 9. And a minus for Paul Martin the Keebler Elf. And another two minuses Pascal Dupuis's unibrow. So unsexy.

So there you have it, 6. Whew, that was hard.

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