Minggu, 30 Januari 2011

2011 All Star Game Recap aka What We Watched

In the bowels of RBC Center

Nick Lidstrom has Patrick Kane by the throat as he yells, "I WANTED A TEAM THAT WOULD SCORE AND WIN! I ONLY CARE ABOUT WINNING YOU LITTLE PIPSQUEAK!!!"

Martin St. Louis calmly walks into the room and closes the door behind him. "Nick, Nicky, Nickster. Let the kid go, everything will be okay. The plan is in motion."

Roughly, Nick drops Patrick to the stone floor. "I believed that we picked the best team and we failed in the SuperSkills Competition. It feels like we failed."

Smiling, Martin slides his arm around Nick's shoulders. "We have not failed, we just lulled them into complacency. They think that they have us by the balls but in fact, it is the other way around."

Patrick stands up, brushing off his pants and putting on black sunglasses. "That's what I was saying, Mr. Lidstrom. Our plan is working perfectly."

The three of them begin a synchronized evil laugh that reverberates throughout the arena.


Uh, hey Nick, I mean, Mr. Lidstrom

Hello, Shea

So, uh, what's up? Why are you staring at me?

I have been? I'm sorry, you're just so pretty.


Uh, nothing, I didn't say that. Let's be partners.


Defensively, I mean, duh.

Um, okay, I really can't say no to a legend

Yeah, I know

First Period

Team Lidstrom and Team Staal take the benches and get amped up for the game after the national anthems have been played.

On the Team Lidstrom bench, Matt Duchene sees his new best friend, Anze Kopitar, and says, "I have a new game for us to play, it's going to be so much fun."

Anze drools, "Duuurrrrrr" and he snaps at Matt's shoulder which gets him a slap upside the helmet by Matt.

Rolling his eyes, Matt elbows him, "You're not listening to me, this is important. But seriously, I have this great idea that we will take vodka shots with every goal scored. It's a great idea, seriously."

"BRAINSSSSSS!!!!! NOW!!!!! BRAINS!!!!! NOW!!!!!"

Matt's getting a little pissed off, "Jeeez man, keep your shit together. I'm starting now."

And he takes a shot, elbowing Phil Kessel, "You're responsible for me if I fall. Kopy here is f-ed up."

Phil stares blankly at Matt, "No one's ever depended on me before..."

"Whatever." And as soon as Alex Ovechkin scores, Matt downs another shot. "Wooo, let's get this show on the road bitches."

Duncan Keith leans over, pushing Kopitar's mouth away from his face. "Settle down, kid. Aren't you still mic'd up?"

And Matt's face goes whiter than it already is, which is pretty freaking white.

Second Period

This happened....

And then this happened

Oh, and don't forget this

Third Period

Eric Staal is panicked as he looks up and down the bench, "Where is Mike Green?"

Looking up from his nails, Dan Boyle shrugs, "I haven't seen him since the game started."

Eric pushes past all of the players between him and the runway, making sure that he gives a good shove to the back of his brother's head.

He trails through the arena, calling out Mike Green's name repeatedly.

It's only answered with silence.

Until he reaches the player's lounge where the food is.

And Mike Green is sitting next to one of the buffet tables, stuffing his face with eclairs and pizza and meatballs and fruit.

Everything is in his hands or lap or mouth.

For a moment, Eric is quiet. He can't believe the horror that is happening in front of him.

Slowly, he backs out of the room and makes sure that Mike did not see him.

He knows that to disturb a man as he is binge-eating is not a good idea.

Back at the bench, Ryan Kesler is worried as well. "Did you find him?"

Eric shakes his head, "You don't want to know. Oh wait, I have to go out there and score a goal."


- MVP of the game was Patrick Sharp then he went missing after getting on the same plane as Jonathan Toews

- Carey Price and Patrick Kane are now best friends for life after they shared pictures and stories of their drunken debauchery

- Nerd Of The Game was given to Matt Duchene for attempting to be funny but not succeeding

- The official photography for the All Star Weekend was pretty good this year and a lot better than it was for previous years

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